Pain and Suffering

"Pain and suffering, they are a secret. Kindness and love, they are a secret. But I have learned that kindness and love can pay for pain and suffering." — Alan Paton (Cry, The Beloved Country)

It was my understanding that pain and suffering is self inflicted. My take on pain and suffering was indeed wrong, or better yet, incomplete. I was reading Alan Paton's Cry, The Beloved Country and came upon the above passage. This made me reflect on pain and suffering. It is true that suffering is self inflicted and that we choose what causes us pain, however, it does not mean that pain and suffering is wrong or bad.

"For our Lord suffered. And I come to believe that he suffered, not to save us from suffering, but to teach us how to bear suffering. For he knew that there is no life without suffering." — Alan Paton (Cry, The Beloved Country)

Suffering is part of the divine plan and is essential to our exaltation. This life is “a preparatory state given to finite beings, a space wherein they may improve themselves for a higher state of being.” Those unwilling to withstand adversity will not be exalted. “Hatred and persecutions have been the lot of every man that ever lived on the earth holding the oracles of the Kingdom of Heaven to deliver to the children of men.” We must pass through the refining experience of sorrow as did Enoch, Noah, Melchizedek, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob if we are to enjoy with them the blessings of the celestial kingdom. (Kenneth H. Beesley, "What Is the Purpose of Suffering?", New Era, April 1975)

So then what causes you pain and suffering?

"More important than what happens to us (or the reason why it occurs) is how we react to it."

People in pain—especially people we love—test that dimension of us. Their need forces us to decide how much of us we’re really willing to give, how much of our time and emotional and physical resources we will sacrifice for them. I think often of my sister-in-law, Judy. Her daughter Stephanie was born with severe cerebral palsy. She can do almost nothing for herself, nor can she communicate except in grunts and cries. I have watched Judy feed her daughter, now twelve years old. She must patiently spoon each bite into Stephanie’s mouth, replacing the same morsel over and over again because Stephanie has so little control over her swallowing. Judy cares for Stephanie constantly and lovingly.

Stephanie’s need serves to reveal much goodness in Judy, demanding depths of patience and self-sacrifice that perhaps Judy was unaware she possessed. Suffering in others can serve as a mirror, reflecting the best—and worst—qualities within us.

Such suffering stirs our souls. But it also stretches our faith, tests our compassion, allows us necessary reexamination of our values, and teaches us that death, far from being a dreaded specter, can also come as a welcome friend, carrying our loved one to another sphere where life can again be meaningful and fulfilling.

Be a little more kind and give a little more love. Endure with courage and grace.